wakako
i you never forgetten
and everyday missly
i every night dreaming
those dreams
skillfully speaken
at your side when
you my sister were,
she my mother was,
he my father was,
small time your island
my island was
there i peace founded
you with clappingly laughs
in brown hands
your surprise gasp
my last happiness was
you my love were
probably last
cliffs of itoman speaken
waves too loud are
you
i hurt
still i listeningly
yet to departen
numb
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and a well-deserved explanation: i was screwing around using japanese grammar to write a poem about japan in english... then i remembered we were doing the verb thing this week so i made up some words and (slightly) englishized the structure to make (barely) more understandable. i'm too tired right now to tell if it's at all legible, so feedback would be appreciated. :/
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1 comment:
I don't have any trouble with the neologisms. The only one that makes me ponder (which is not a bad thing necessarily) is speaken, which makes me wonder why not spoken. But then I figure the reason is that the new words are part of the poem's tools. I like the use to to-be verbs at line ends. That makes a nice rhythm so that when I get to lines like "waves too loud are / you" I'm much more ready to read the first line of the pair as on its own than I would otherwise be. Some if reminds me of ee cummings, as in "clappingling laughs" (that's lovely by the way, clappingly laughs).
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